Bernie's Beats Here I sit, watching planet earth in my lake house on a sultry late summer sunday evening. No girls will talk to me, including my mother. So I watch Scientists throw out a large black rubber doll that looks like a seal and drag it behind a boat.…
"I wish I had 2 girlfriends like Lou Williams!" Man I love that song. I was actually listening to it last sunday as I was tossing some shuffle boards through some salt. Sweet, sweet Lou. The sixth man position is the second most fascinating in sports after the hallowed,mysterious middle reliever. You don't care. I…
We have stumbled upon a recording of an exclusive group of Warriors eating dinner the night before Game 5 in Toronto. We have decided to leak it because we’re not that great of people and we are really tired of the Warriors. Sue us! We don’t have shit! The following transcript could not be more…
When Zlatan Ibrahimovic was asked about Lebron joining him in LA he responded "blah blah blah you don't win you came for nothing. So he needs to win, just like me" while Lebron responds to even the kindest, gentlest question about him needing to win by saying "I've done everything I need to do,…
BERNIES BEATS I like big women, some things never change. Kind of like Giants fans complaining about Eli manning/how their ownership doesn’t have a plan. Redskins fans contemplating becoming ravens or panthers fans as they find out Dan Snyder is leading the charge in the war room. Philly fans are still celebrating their super…
Most talked about whispers in recent history: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDOC7JRDzYI 2. 3. All 3 of the great whispers involve obvious, counterproductive whispering in public. Isn't the point of whispering to be secretive? There is a distinct difference between number 1 on our chart and numbers 2 and 3. The whisper chart topper is a masterpiece created…
Bernies Beats: Divorce and Departure from Oakland or a Coarse Rapture? It's a Revelation! Dust off your favorite leather bound bible, and turn to the book of Gruden. There you will find stories telling us that his resurrection as NFL coach has gone through a rough "genesis" if you will. Twitter has…
Think back to the feeling of being 12 years old. You wake up dreading school, smelling like if mildew could sweat with a painful surprise under the covers. You slowly drag yourself out of bed and are walking towards the mirror to check for pimples when you realize it’s 8:30 and there’s snow on the ground.…
So it's Wednesday, or as those sexually active college students like to call it "humpday". I haven't had work all week because the county passed on my adamant town hall meeting proposal to put monster truck tires on all school busses to avoid snow day school closings. So here I sit. I got to…
I remember sitting in Yearbook class in high school aimlessly wondering around the depths of the 2010ish internet. Some kids were playing the helicopter game on addictinggames, others were playing return man on ESPN, and somehow my good time buddies and I stumbled upon a magical website: thewhiterapperencyclopedia.net. It had pictures of white…
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