Bernies Beats:Cell Phones Have Ruined Sports

Efficient Communication vs Effective Conversation

Buckle up sweetheart,we’re getting on the freeway.Time for daddy to ask the big questions.How long could we go, as a society, without social media/looking at a screen? The answer is not long enough.Call me an idealist if you must, but I yearn for the days when every girl didn’t want to be a scantily clad Instagram model. Selfies are a worse invention than the atomic bomb.Why do people even use their cell phones at professional sports games?It seems far too many front row spectators are glued to their phones the entire time.Plus there are qualified professionals taking thousands of pictures/videos of the entire games on high quality, expensive cameras. I would rather look up those pictures the next day than miss a play trying to take a decent picture on my iphone to show everyone how much fun I’m supposed to be having. I digress.

If you have stopped reading already, your attention span is as short as Kim Jong-un’s penis.

Cmon, if you get bored after reading around 100 words, then you are the reason why sports have become fodder for selfie taking “fans”. ESPN changed for you, strictly for you, and now they’re going under. You know why? The Pablo Escobar of sports reporting used to show 20+ highlights per game in their prime. Now they changed their strategy because they believe you want to watch only highlights off Snappleagram.

So they replaced their competitive highlight advantage with “experts” discussing a “no one gives a flying rat’s ass topic” around a fancy table at their new million dollar studio. I’ll take the old studio and anchors who actually tell jokes any day of the week.Coors cold hard facts used to actually be cold and hard! Now? Well now Herm Edwards just gets asked about the suits people wear to the draft and what he thinks of the cowboys coach being a ginger. (that dallas sun is going to be hard on that fair skin, good thing they play inside man, let me tell you what!)

Seriously, do you really care about Michael and Jamele’s opinion on anything?And all of this is happening because people (who stopped reading this article long ago) bitch and complain, complain and bitch, and ruin everything for everyone else due to their lethargic attention spans. You have ruined baseball, you have ruined basketball, you have created a new sport called “the refs are watching Slow-Motion replays of football.” Baseball isn’t boring, you are just impatient and don’t appreciate the beauty of that ball park fresh air that is coursing through your lucky lungs. Take a hit of that sweet stuff, because it’s called life. The only thing that is keeping ESPN rolling is Jon Gruden. That guy is awesome.

What’s the point of this rollercoaster of an article? Well, It’s may and mother nature just sent out invitations to her yearly orgy known as Summer. The sun is out, the bugs are biting, the fish are biting the bugs, and the dogs are sniffing my crotch. So get your ass off the couch, put your phone away, spark up the grill, share a bottle of wine with your summer squeeze, and enjoy America’s greatest pastime. At the end of the day, listen to the harmony between the crickets and the croaking bullfrogs, and engage into conversations with others who may or may not be on your same mating schedule.

Before you know it, football will be back and I’ll have 2017 season articles coming your way.And don’t you bastards ever forget, I’m an expert.

 Final Thought: IF you are struggling to get outside, I recommend watching A River Runs Through It. Nothing will make you want to find a stream more than a young Brad Pitt’s smile after he becomes a man.