As many media sources reported, Matthew McConaughey was in D.C. for a charity benefit this weekend. Being the ultimate human being he is obviously a Redskins fan. He delivered a fiery speech to the Redskins players before their victory of the Eagles on Sunday. I imagine his speech went something like this.
“Alright, Alright, Alright. We are all here for one reason. That reason may be cheese stakes or it may be football. The universe will reveal which one to us on Sunday. Chip Kelly went to Philadelphia for for the Cheese steaks but Jay Gruden came to DC for the football, man.He didn’t come to DC for Monica Lewinsky,man. And let me tell you, the birds spread offense is no delicious Einsteins shmeer, my brothers.Nah,their offense is one small cheese spread at a crowded tailgate. There just isn’t enough to go around, man. To win this game you will need grit, desire and sex appeal. Those are three things I relied on during my memorable performance in “The Wedding Planner”. Now its time for all of you to find your inner romantic comedy. Fall in love with football, with life, with the Endzone. If i punted on fourth and short I never would have scored the roll of a lifetime in “The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”. As The beatles once preached “I am the eggman Koo-Koo Cachu!”, man.At the beginning of America, there were Eagles and there were Redskins. I tell you what, a Redskin should be this countries mascot. Redskins are the ultimate locals, just chilling local style all the time, man. And another thing, If Pierre Garcon here was at the first thanksgiving, the Redskins would have won, man. Now its time to rewrite the fucking history books, my brothers.”(winks at Scott McCloughlan as the two scurry toward the elevator, case of Lone Star tall boys in hand leaving the Entire Redskins Roster is a state of arousal, shock and awe.)
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