Something magical happened on tuesday march 22nd, 2016 at the hallowed Richmond Diamond. It was a fertile seventy degree evening complete with a smooth spring breeze and a moon full enough to give Neil Armstrong flashbacks.Ecstasy filled the air as the Lancers of Longwood stormed the diamond in preparation of battling the Rams of VCU. The Rams and Lancers battled to the death like two elk trading blows for the right to mate with the queen elk who no doubt will give birth to thoroughbred baby Elks that will put their elk parents in the finest elk retirement homes available to elks. ELKS, WHAT A SPECIES!
Anyway, the teams traded blows and ultimately the Lancers were just outmatched as a whole. But who cares? It’s one game in a long season. They quite literally play thousands of innings. What I took away from this game, besides a solid buzz and an erection, was the unshakable impression that the best player on the diamond that spring evening was Mr.Konvicka. The man did it all! Sure I’m biased, me and the speed freak have eaten hundreds of meals at Taco Bell (bring back lava sauce, you heartless bastards!) together and also absorbed the entirety of the Laguna Beach saga together. We also invented beerflix, but that’s another story for another blog when I am less queasy from indulging in a few too many Kirkland lights(suprisingly tasty beer from Costco, 48 pack for 20 bucks) on my porch and open mouth kissing a horse last night.I digress.
Hell, me and the Jackrabbit even wept in each others arms as Stephen headed away to college after sharing one last magical Laguna sunset with the queen bee of laguna, known as Kristin Cavalari.Soo hot, want to touch the hiney (I respect Jay Cutler too much to linger on the mother of his children’s attractiveness any longer than I already have) Anyone that has experienced it knows that when you watch Laguna Beach with someone, the two of you are connected for life. If you watch the show with someone and don’t feel an eternal bond form between the two of you around the 5th or 6th episode you both may not be human, or even worse, you are incapable of love. Even Elks are capable of love. THEY MATE FOR LIFE! Conclusion: If you don’t form an eternal bond with whoever you watch laguna beach with, you are below Elks on the philosophical food chain that I just invented.
Where the hell was I? Oh yes Colt is quite the ballplayer and also quite the friend. He does it all! Maybe it was the spring wind beneath his baggy pants or maybe it was the full moon (he has impressive facial/chest hair so we cant be completely sure he is not in fact a werewolf)but it all came together on the diamond that night. He hit with power to get on base, then his next at bat, he bunts and beats it out! That made the pitcher want to call his mother and tell her about how he hasn’t been this confused since he developed romantic feelings for his dad at a young age. Thats the thing about Konvicka,he keeps you guessing. Sometimes I won’t hear from him for months and then we will talk everyday for months. Always on my toes.I honestly lost count of how many bases he stole that night. He stole more bases than a high-schooler in a back alley after a dance.At one point he stole second and third base back to back and even ripped his pants sliding into third. Now alot of divas these days (I’m looking at you Bryce Harper) would have asked for a pinch runner,new pants and a band-aid. Not Konvicka. Much to the audiences delight, he played the rest of the game with ripped pants! He scored the Lancers only two runs and kept them in the ball game. Between his performance on the field and my heroic,gutsy,transcendent,victorious performance in the 7th inning 3 legged race, the fans got theirs moneys worth (the game was free).
CONCLUSION Great Game, Great Player, Great Friend, mediocre blog post.
Back Court Press 
