Babtunde Aiyegbusi is a pure bred oxen fit to lead a family of 12 down the Oregon Trail. Babtunde, who goes by the nickname “Milk Baby” is a 6-9, 425 Polish human buffet trying out his luck at left tackle with the Vikings. He was kind enough to sit down with me for a brief interview* while we enjoyed some Kaczka z jabłkami.
Q: How did you get the name “Milk Baby”
A: “I like milk. Momma and poppa always would catch me drinking straight from our cows udders. HAHA!! (a truly terrifying bellow is let out by this mountain of a man) You see, milk is my best friend. It build me. It make me big. I take baths in milk. When i can’t sleep, i drink milk till i lose consciousness. Momma say she knew I would mary a big chested woman because I love milk so much as baby. Maybe I am just big baby now. I don’t understand growing up, I understand Milk.”
Q: WOW! What a story! What is your dad like?
A: “One time he catch me riding family cow to town without permission. I was five or six, he said he would give me spanking. I said no; I give you spanking. We had wrestling match. I won, we respect each other. But no more spankings for the milk baby (laughs). My father sits on my shoulders when he is tired or sometime to just enjoy the view” (a big smile appears on the polish wonders face as he stairs into the distance.)
Q: I hear you and Marcin Gortat are friends…and enemies?
A: “Marcin! That son of a Mule! I love him but he aggravates me. One time we had drank maybe 20 bottles of Compote and we go out dancing. The milk baby is really breaking it down and you know raising the roof, eating the salad, whatever. And then Marcin comes in and tries to steal my sunshine. I say hey Marcin I’m trying to work here! Let me have my sunshine. He starts rubbing his bald head and thrusting his waist, we are very sweaty. So it comes to blows and we both wake up in wounded in a barn, what a great night! “
Q:How does Poland compare to the U.S.A?
A: “Well I like it here but you know it is funny. Everyone thinks Poland so small and weak. You know where John Paul the great is from? POOOOOOLLLLLLAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDD!!!!!! I will say that Hitler is lucky me and Marcin were not around when he try to invade Poland. I would have bent that sick freak over my knee and give him the spanking he deserved. A man with a mustache so bad should never be leader.I hate him to this day. He is lucky milk baby did not give him a milk bath.”
Q: Im kind of afraid to ask what a milk bath is…
A: You should be! Lets just say it involves a barn in the woods, 12 fertile cows, the milk baby and several torture instruments that never go out of style. I WANT HOLYFIELD!!!! (He storms out of interview)
*the above interview is completely fictional
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